You're the one people rely on. At work you're capable and organised, and at home you're often the one keeping track of everything else. From the outside, you look like you're coping brilliantly.
Inside, it can feel very different. You wake up tired, even after a full night's sleep. Things that used to feel manageable now feel huge, and you've started to wonder how much longer you can keep going like this.
If that sounds familiar, you might be experiencing burnout. In this post I'll explain what burnout is and why it's so common in women who achieve a lot. I'll also talk about how integrative relational therapy can help you recover, and what working together might look like.
What is burnout?
Burnout is a state of physical and emotional exhaustion caused by long-term stress that hasn't been resolved. The World Health Organization recognises it as an occupational phenomenon, meaning it's linked specifically to chronic stress at work. It isn't classed as a medical condition, but it can have a real effect on your health and your relationships.
The WHO describes burnout as having three main features:
feeling drained or exhausted
feeling increasingly distant from your job, or negative and cynical about it
feeling less effective at work than you used to
Stress and burnout are closely linked, but they can feel quite different. Stress usually feels urgent. You're busy and wound up, trying to keep on top of everything. Burnout tends to feel flatter. Many people describe it as running on empty, where even the things they used to enjoy start to feel like effort.
Why are high-achieving women so vulnerable to burnout?
Burnout is widespread in the UK. Mental Health UK's Burnout Report 2026 found that 91% of adults experienced high or extreme levels of pressure or stress in the past year. The figure was higher still for women, at 96%, compared with 86% of men. Women were also more likely than men to feel uncomfortable telling their manager they were struggling.
Women who are used to achieving a lot often face a particular mix of pressures. Here are some of the patterns that come up again and again:
Being the reliable one. When you're good at your job, you tend to be rewarded with more work. Saying no can feel like letting people down, or like proof that you're not as capable as everyone thinks.
High standards that never switch off. Perfectionism can look like dedication from the outside. Inside, it often sounds like a voice telling you it's still not good enough, however much you've done.
The mental load at home. Many women carry most of the planning and remembering for their household on top of a demanding job. It's largely invisible work, and it's exhausting.
Feeling you have to prove yourself. If you've had to work harder to be taken seriously, or you've ever felt like an imposter in a meeting, you may push yourself well beyond what's healthy.
Putting your own needs last. Looking after everyone else can leave very little room for you.
None of this is a personal failing. These habits have often helped you succeed. The trouble is that they can keep running long after they've stopped being useful.
Signs of burnout you might be brushing off
High achievers are often very good at explaining away the warning signs. You might notice:
tiredness that doesn't lift after a weekend or even a holiday
dreading Sunday evenings or Monday mornings
feeling irritable or tearful over small things
finding it hard to concentrate or make simple decisions
feeling numb or detached, as if you're going through the motions
getting ill more often, or struggling to sleep
losing interest in things you used to enjoy
a growing sense of "what's the point?"
Some of these can overlap with physical health problems, such as thyroid issues or anaemia, and with depression. If you've felt this way for a while, it's worth seeing your GP to rule those out.
Why a holiday won't fix burnout
Lots of women tell themselves they just need a break. Then the holiday comes, and within a few days of being back everything feels the same again.
Rest matters. But if the things that led to burnout haven't changed, you're likely to end up back in the same place. Some of those things are practical, like workload or long hours. Many are more personal: the beliefs and habits that make it so hard to slow down or ask for help. That's where therapy can make a real difference.
How can integrative relational therapy help with burnout?
I'm an integrative psychotherapist. That means I draw on more than one approach, depending on what's most useful for you. My foundation is relational and person-centred, which in plain terms means I believe the relationship we build together is where change happens.
There's good reason for this. Research consistently finds that the quality of the relationship between therapist and client is one of the strongest predictors of whether therapy helps. That matters a lot with burnout. If you're used to being the strong one, therapy may be the first place where you don't have to hold it together for anyone.
Here's what that can look like in practice.
Understanding where the pressure comes from. We'll look together at the patterns behind your burnout. Where did the need to be perfect, or always available, come from? Often these go back a long way. Drawing on psychodynamic ideas, we can explore how earlier experiences shape the way you work and relate to people now.
Noticing patterns as they happen. Because the work is relational, the patterns that show up in your life often show up in the therapy room too. You might catch yourself apologising for taking up time, or worrying that you're "doing therapy wrong". We can notice those moments together, gently, and that gives you a chance to try something different somewhere safe.
Practical tools when you need them. Some weeks you'll want to go deeper. Other weeks you'll need something you can use on Monday morning. I can draw on CBT techniques to help with things like anxious thinking and setting boundaries at work.
Going at your pace. There's no fixed number of sessions and no set programme to work through. Recovery from burnout rarely happens in a straight line, so we'll adapt the work as we go.
Over time, the aim is for you to be able to rest without feeling guilty, and to make choices about your work and life based on what you actually want.
Why this matters to me
Before I retrained as a therapist, I spent more than ten years working in the legal sector. I know what it's like to be the person who holds everything together, and how easy it is to miss the point where that stops being sustainable. I burnt out myself. Having therapy helped me reconnect with what really mattered to me, and it's a big part of why I do this work now.
Small steps you can take this week
Therapy is one part of recovering from burnout. A few small changes can help too:
Keep an eye on your energy as well as your to-do list. At the end of each day, jot down what drained you and what gave you a bit back.
Practise one small no. Turn down a request that isn't essential, or let something be good enough. Notice what feelings come up when you do.
Make time that has nothing to do with being productive. A walk outside without your phone is a good place to start.
Tell someone how you're really doing. That might be a friend you trust or your GP. Saying it out loud is often the hardest step.
Frequently asked questions about burnout and therapy
Is burnout a mental health condition? The WHO classes burnout as an occupational phenomenon. It isn't a medical diagnosis in itself, but it can lead to or overlap with anxiety and depression, so it's worth taking seriously.
How long does burnout recovery take? It varies a lot from person to person. Some people feel noticeably better within a few months. If burnout has built up over years, it usually takes longer. Recovery tends to be quicker when you look at the causes as well as getting rest.
Can therapy help with burnout? Yes. Therapy gives you space to understand what led to your burnout and to change the patterns that keep it going, which makes it less likely to happen again.
Do I need to be signed off work to start therapy? No. Many people start therapy while they're still working, and it can help you spot burnout early, before it reaches crisis point.
Do you offer therapy for burnout online? Yes. I see clients online anywhere in the UK, and in person at Cherry Tree Therapy Centre in Buckhurst Hill, which is easy to reach from Loughton, Chigwell, Woodford and Chingford.
If you need support urgently
If you're feeling overwhelmed or having thoughts of harming yourself, please don't wait for a therapy appointment. Contact your GP, or in England call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option. You can also call Samaritans free on 116 123, day or night. If you're in immediate danger, call 999.
Ready to talk?
You don't need to have everything worked out before you get in touch. I offer a free 15-minute introductory call, so you can ask questions and get a feel for whether we'd work well together. There's no pressure to commit to anything.
About the author: Kirsty Murray is an integrative psychotherapist offering therapy online and in person in Buckhurst Hill, Essex. She has an MSc in Counselling and Psychotherapy from London Metropolitan University and is a member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). Before retraining, she spent more than ten years working in the legal sector.
Sources: Mental Health UK, The Burnout Report 2026; World Health Organization, ICD-11 entry for burn-out.